In Defense of Santa Claus

Skepticism abounds about the existence of Santa Clause. Some are puzzled how Santa can get around the entire globe in one night; others do not understand the economics of Santa – who exactly is paying; and some think it is just a twentieth century invention of Coca Cola.

 Let us sort out this issue once and for all. There is no question that Santa existed as an historical figure. We have St. Nicholas of Myra – a third century Bishop – who, among his many achievements, delivered gifts to those in need. When a father was unable to secure his daughters a good marriage, St. Nicholas provided some anonymous gifts to solve the problem.

 Now when we think of Santa, we are thinking of this semi-magical figure that visits every home on planet earth. But of course, it is not every home: other religious traditions already have their own systems of ensuring their own festivals for gift-giving. Hindus have Diwali; Muslims enjoy Eid al-Fitr, when children often get gifts; and traditionally, the Jewish gift-giving holiday was Purim, although increasingly it is Hanukkah. So, Santa does not need to get to every home; instead, it is just every Christian home.

 We estimate there are 2.3 billion homes in the world. Christians occupy approximately one third of these homes – some 767 million homes. Now Santa has 24 hours to visit these homes in one night – which means Santa needs to reach 32 million homes every hour. This is 534,000 homes every minute, which is 8,900 homes every second. Given the distances between homes, Santa will need to be traveling at about 36,000 mph per second.

 Armed with this information, we have solved one mystery. The reason why countless children have been unable to see Santa is because his visit is literally just a moment. In the time it takes to blink, Santa will have been and gone.

 But does this sound rather implausible? One must remember that the Santa narrative involves reindeer with the capacity to fly. We are in the world of magic. And in terms of the speeds in the universe, 36,000 mph every second is nothing. Light travels at 186,000 miles a second. Compared to the speed of light, Santa is moving slowly. He is just traveling at one fifth the speed of light.

 While this is possible, there are also other options available to Santa. In addition, perhaps Santa has a few Elf helpers who do some of the deliveries; perhaps some of parents are asked by Santa to arrange the presents in a particular home. Taken together, we have plenty of reasons to think that Santa can manage this very busy night journey.

 So, for all of you Santa skeptics out there, just relax this year. It is perfectly possible that the spirit of St. Nicholas is continuing to make his rounds. There is, after all, one piece of evidence that seems irrefutable. Every Christmas morning, there is, hopefully (provided everything has worked out as it should) a pile of presents in the home; there is the stocking which is full. And Santa makes perfect sense. Christmas morning is a magical moment because the presents are themselves a result of a special magical energy that makes the occasion so special. (This first appeared in the Alexandria Times.)